The Price of Living Without You
by MoonSeaPearl
Summary: Anko can't stand night time. She is always alone at night, and therefore left alone to face the painful memories, and the horror of abandonment. No one would ever possibly know what it costs her to live...to breathe. I don't own the song:Everytime. R&R pl


**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

_Notice me…_

_Take my hand. _

The pale yellow moon drifted through the black sky. Yes. That is how Anko would describe how she is feeling right now. Black. Empty. Soul-less. She felt as cold inside as the snow on the windowpane: the snow that she hated because it fell white and lovely and out of her reach, just like the one she loved.

She used to compare herself to that moon: floating, always in orbit arranging herself around someone else. But she didn't anymore. The moon had no soul. It could not feel the pain she was feeling now.

_Why are we strangers when Our love is strong?_

_Why carry on without me?_

She could remember ages back when she was training and following at his side. She could remember how happy she was just to be near him. She had even deluded herself into thinking that he felt the same. She fancied him asking her to marry him when she got older. She felt so much love and adoration for her master. That is, before she found out what he truly was.

He had left her. He had abandoned her like a penny in the rain. It was up to her to put the pieces of her life back together, and he couldn't care less whether she did or not. Why had he done that? Why?

_Every time I try to fly, I fall._

_Without my wings, I feel so small._

_I guess I need you baby._

_And every time I see you_

_In my dreams,_

_I see your face- it's haunting me. _

_I guess I need you baby._

She felt a shudder rack through her entire body and soul. Thin rivers of tears cut their way along the surface of her cheek, and soaked into the cotton pillow casing. She refused to cry, but these tears, like Orochimaru years ago, betrayed her.

She was afraid to fall asleep because one of two things was sure to happen: either she would not dream at all, and drift along in a numb, dark, silence like she did now when she was awake, or she would have the same recurring nightmare of Orochimaru turning away form her once more, and shedding her for new pawns in his deadly game of survival and sacrifice. And she could no longer bear it.

_I make believe_

_That you are here_

Sometimes she would slip into madness. She would sit at the foot of her bed, reading a book, and nibbling on dango, determinedly not thinking about him when she would hear his voice.

_Anko…_

She would look up to find the source of his sound, and there he'd be. His smirk would have a look of amusement and affection on it, just like it did when she was young and stupid. Oh, how stupid she was to learn to trust the flawless, opaque face, or the devious golden eyes that would sear into her mind. He would hold out his hand.

_Anko…_

She'd reach, and he'd be gone again nothing more than a phantom. Every time she saw that beautiful ghost, she would fall into this deadly spiral all over again.

_It's the only way that I see clear._

_What have I done?_

_You seem to move on easy._

Now he had Kabuto in her place. She wondered if he held Orochimaru in the same, almost god-like status that she did.

_Every time I try to fly, I fall._

_Without my wings, I feel so small._

_I guess I need you baby._

_And every time I see you_

_In my dreams,_

_I see your face- it's haunting me. _

_I guess I need you baby._

She dragged herself to the edge of her bed, and curled up in the patch of moonlight, as if it might somehow warm the ice she felt around her.

_I may have made it rain._

_Please forgive me._

_My weakness caused you pain,_

_And this song is my sorry…_

The memory flooded back, all to real.

"I don't need a weakling, Anko. Let's not make this any more painful than it needs to be." He muttered, trying to shake away a young, bleeding Anko.

"Please, Lord Orochimaru! I won't be weak anymore. Take me back!" She cried desperately, but to no avail. He smacked her away, and she watched the back of his onyx hair retreat. She watched him walk out of her life, never once turning back.

_At night I pray_

_That soon your face_

_Will fade away._

She gripped her pillow and bit the edge, trying to suppress the tightness in her chest. It felt too confined, too small. If she focused on him any longer, her heart would burst apart, taking her with it. But right now, that didn't seem like such a bad option.

_And every time I try to fly, I fall._

_Without my wings, I feel so small._

_I guess I need you baby._

_And every time I see you_

_In my dreams,_

_I see your face- it's haunting me. _

_I guess I need you baby._

She looked at the horizon line, where the blackness of the night was broken and frayed at the edges by a gray morning. This is how she lived her life since he had left her: memories that cut her like shards of broken glass, and trying to endure the pain until the morning, when she'd be obliged to put on the mask of a happy-go-lucky young woman who's only concern was sweet, sweet dango.

No one would ever know what it cost her to live- no one but Orochimaru. And he was gone now… forever.


End file.
